You have the hunch that your spouse may be involved in an extramarital affair, but how do you prove whether or not they are? And if they are, how can you get irrefutable evidence they won't be able to deny? Here we show you how, highlight important do's and don'ts, and share real cases to illustrate.
One of Boise's leading private investigation agencies, we are often called upon in suspected “cheating spouse” cases. The tips we share here are proven expertise.
It's human nature to downplay one's own feelings as “I'm just being too picky”, however, infidelity statistics show that depending on gender, your suspicion is likely to be correct as much as 85% of the time. Rather than giving yourself the guilt trip, compare yourself to these cases and follow the steps below.
Infidelity Case #1
Kudos to the innocent party in this case for following their intuition and not making assumptions...
After 10 years of living, laughing and playing together, things started to change for this Idaho couple. She began to sense that the man she lived for was doing something he didn't want her to know. When you've been together this long you know your partner pretty well, and now she was seeing subtle behaviors that didn't match him. These behaviors gave her the feeling he was doing and hiding something, but what?
How could she find out for sure and lay this gnawing intuition to rest? Thinking outside the box, she turned to us for help. We provided covert surveillance of his activities, and quickly established solid evidence that he was cheating on her with other women. Albeit heart broken, now she could close this chapter and move on without reservation.
Subtle behavior patterns are leading indicators of infidelity or affairs behind the scenes. We describe these behaviors and the steps to take when you see them below the next case story.
Infidelity Case #2
When a marriage is broken by adultery some parties work hard to reconcile. This spouse did some extra homework and spared themselves more heartache.
Their marriage compromised by the husband's adultery, this Idaho couple hoped they could work past it and rebuild rather than parting ways. With that goal in mind, they continued to connect and communicate while temporarily living in separate residences. Over time the husband kept reassuring his estranged wife that “the past” was truly the past, he was very sorry for his misdeed, and was now living faithfully to her. Though wanting to believe him, the wife found herself still hesitant, was he being honest? Was he manipulating her and still having affairs, how could she know?
Reluctant to be hurt again, the wife called us asking if there was any way we could verify whether her husband was truly being the 'good boy' he claimed. Completely unaware to him, we performed discreet surveillance of his daily activities which revealed current affairs with other women. With this evidence our client realized she was wasting efforts trying to reconcile a relationship that would only lead to more heartache.
Questionable and past circumstances, and circumstantial evidence are indicators of possible infidelity. We explain these and what to do immediately below.
If you suspect your spouse is unfaithful, it's usually because they're displaying a subtle pattern of questionable behavior, or some circumstantial evidence has crossed your radar screen that begs the question. Don't ignore these signs, follow these steps.
Step 1. The first and most important step is to sit yourself down and document what's making you concerned and why. The behavior patterns and circumstantial evidence examples below may help you put a finger on your suspicions.
Behavior Patterns. Examples of behavior patterns include abnormal work hours and errands, unusual phone and texting activity, excessive internet use, decreased desire for intimacy or affection, and a sudden interest in one's own appearance.
Circumstantial Evidence. Examples of circumstantial evidence include suspicious bank charges, discovery of a questionable text or email message, a new “extra” phone, or a mysterious credit card for which the statements are unavailable. Also specific circumstances such as 'meetings' with a friend, coworker, or past high school sweetheart, especially if any of these have had troubles in their own relationships.
Step 2. Highlight patterns of suspicious activity, behaviors and circumstantial evidence. It's important to see if these indicators show up at regular intervals whether daily, weekly, or when traveling on business. Make special note of the time of day or night that things occur in your diary as well.
Step 3. Validate your suspicions with a reputable private investigator. The better your documentation is means the more accurate picture you'll be able to give them of your situation. In turn, they'll be able to make a better assessment of your case.
Step 4. Based on their assessment, hire a reputable private investigator and let them conduct a confidential investigation. Many of these infidelity investigations resolve quickly as most cheating partners don't suspect they're being watched.
Step 5. If the private investigator confirms your spouse is cheating, it's wise to consult a family law attorney before confronting your spouse with the evidence. They will help you understand your options, and help outline the best way to confront your spouse that protects you and your family.
It's tempting to scour for evidence by checking your spouse or partner's email, opening that envelope addressed to them, or even checking their text messages. STOP! Don't do it or you could wind up in jail. Even if they've shared their usernames and passwords with you, it's a federal crime that can land you behind bars regardless of whether they are cheating on you. Unless they've given you power of attorney this kind of activity is technically illegal and has been prosecuted in infidelity cases.
Aside from keeping you out of jail, hiring a private investigator to prove your spouse is cheating will give you better evidence than any questionable email or text message you'll find in your spouse's accounts.
We serve attorneys and private individuals throughout all of Southern Idaho with dependable investigation services for suspected infidelity cases. We understand these sensitive issues and answer our phone 24 hours a day, seven days a week to help you assess your case. If you suspect your spouse is cheating but are not sure where to start, call us for a free and completely confidential consultation about your case.
Till next time!
Ben Pearson CPI
Steadfast Private Investigations